Home > Resources from Discovery House > When Life Takes What Matters > Part 2

Those who submerge their feelings and those who cling to them like a child’s ‘cuddly’ will self-destruct. We own our feelings in order to bring them to the healing light of Christ to be transformed.
—Elsa McInnes, Shattered and Restored

At times it can be more difficult to face the feelings that surround a loss than to deal with the loss itself. In the wake of a major crisis (such as the loss of a loved one, a career, or our health) strong feelings can sweep over us like a tidal wave—gut-wrenching sorrow, loneliness, fear, emptiness, despair, rage, worthlessness, helplessness, and hopelessness.

In the aftermath of life’s more subtle losses (such as loss of trust, confidence, respect, support, or a cherished hope) these same feelings can take on the qualities of quicksand and slowly suck us into despair.

Having convinced us they are here to stay, these feelings demand our attention, frighten us with their intensity, and cloud our perspective. We wish we could deny them. Outrun them. Ignore them.

But they have the right to be heard and respected. While not the whole truth, they are nevertheless true from the perspective of our emotions, and they need to be dealt with tenderly, honestly, and in the light of God’s complete truth. There are, however, some precautions to take when seeking to put the reality of God together with the reality of pain.

Elsa McInnes learned this. When her beloved husband died suddenly, she and her four children were left alone with their feelings of abandonment, fear, hurt, and anger. She tried to find comfort in God, but powerful emotions threatened to destroy her once vibrant faith.

In Shattered and Restored she writes:

"For weeks I would attend worship and receive the truth of God’s love and grace and be encouraged by the songs of praise. I would hungrily grasp spiritual truth in the readings and sermon and my shattered picture of God would begin to reform. Then I would walk out of worship into loneliness and emptiness. The combined anger of five hurting people and the emotional reality of grief would stand in stark contrast to the truth I perceived in worship. I tried in vain to reassemble my picture of God. There were new pieces that wouldn’t fit. The rich gold of God’s word clashed with the darker pieces of my grief. The shapes wouldn’t fit together. There were comfortable pieces of truth I had held and worn smooth through the years which would not interlock with the jagged new pieces of pain. At times, in order to hold onto the word of life, I tried to deny the painful reality of anger and loneliness. At other times, when emotion ran strong, I responded by denying God’s word because it seemed so false in light of my feelings.

"What was I to do? It was at that time that I stumbled upon this concept of twin realities in conflict (‘emotional truth’ and ‘spiritual truth’) and how important it is to own it all and bring all to the light of Christ for reconciliation. . . .

"It is a commonly held Christian teaching that if we receive the truth of God’s word into our minds, then our corrected thought patterns will tow our wayward feelings into line.

"There is one basic error in that theory. It is a self-help system allowing Christ access to our minds only while we, in presumption, seek by sheer willpower to rectify our emotional imbalance. It’s not willpower we need, but Christ’s transforming power. . . .

"I learned not to fear strong feelings, but to allow them to surface fully, alive and kicking into the presence of Christ, and I discovered that, as Christ poured the oil of his healing on my feelings, my doubts about him also calmed."

Thank you, dear Elsa. God restored you so beautifully. That gives the rest of us great hope.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. —Psalm 18:16–19

Quotes taken from Shattered and Restored by Elsa McInnes, copyright © 1990, Anzea Publishers, 3–5 Richmond Road, Homebush West, NSW 2140, Australia. Used by permission.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
—Romans 5:8

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. . . . For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
—Ephesians 2:4–7, 10

The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
—Hebrews 4:12–13

The Lord has a way of looking into the very heart of things—especially the human heart. And there’s no use trying to hide what’s there.

One day I came to His Word with a nameless ache tucked away inside, troubling me, as it had been for several days. I read Luke’s account of Jesus entering the town of Nain, where He came upon a heartbroken widow following the coffin of her only son.

When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her, and he said, "Don’t cry." Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother (Luke 7:11–15).

As I pondered what this story could possibly have to do with me, the Lord looked into my heart and said, "Something has died in you, Susan. What is this thing you’re mourning and carrying in a coffin?"

I was startled, for I hadn’t known that a funeral was going on inside me. But He reached out and touched the coffin that I was indeed laboring beneath, and I finally stood still and looked.

An important dream was being taken for burial—a dream the Lord knew I needed to have alive.

Very quietly, from within the depths of me, I heard Jesus whisper, "Do you suppose that if I can resurrect people, I can resurrect dreams too?"

I read the story again and saw the compassion, the power, and the truth. When our last hope is being taken for burial, Jesus sees, wipes away the tears of sorrow, and speaks LIFE into our emptiness.

Praise God, He is the Lord of resurrection! The Lord of hope! In choosing Jesus as Savior and Lord, we have chosen abundant, eternal life. And it starts in this world.

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life. —Deuteronomy 30:19–20

When Life Takes What Matters Excerpts: Part 1

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